Hopefully this will help you in understanding the process and reason why women stay or keep going back to their abuser/ex. So maybe it will help you to understand and help someone you know in an abusive relationship.
Abuse doesn't start with the beatings, the abuser starts by getting control mentally and emotionally at the start of the relationship. An abuser is usually a coward when standing alone and is scared of anyone they do not have mental and emotional control over. An abuser doesn't like or associate with anyone that they cannot manipulate and intimidate. They can not handle it when they are not the center of attention and do not have full control of their surroundings and everyone around them. They are usually blowing their own horn, bragging about everything they have done, can do or own, but in reality they usually are lying, don't have a pot to piss in, and can't pour piss out of a boot with the instruction on the bottom. An abuser has NO respect for women, themselves or anyone. They are usually liars, arrogant, rude, obnoxious, belittling or verbally threatening anyone that intimidates them (which is very easy to do), manipulative and thinks the whole world owes them and should bow down to them. Now that you have an idea of the abuser, now lets look at the victim/woman.
An abuser couldn't get control of a woman mentally and emotionally if there wasn't this chemical that is produced in the human body called "Oxytocin". Oxytocin is a chemical produced by the body which produces the emotions in us of trust, love and so forth, this so called "warm and fuzzy feeling" when we think we love someone. Oxytocin is a neurochemical that creates these warm and fuzzy feelings/emotions in us that we associate with our emotional bonds to other people.
When people talk about their feelings of love for someone, they are describing the feelings/emotions produced by oxytocin. Oxytocin is highly addictive, even more addictive than heroin. Oxytocin doesn't have that much to do with romantic love, it dominates the feelings we have for love and a long-term relationship. Basically, the woman gets addicted to the oxytocin and not the so called love for the abuser/ex, so the longer the woman is with the abuser the stronger the bond becomes, because of the intensity of the oxytocin addiction.
If or when the woman leaves the abuser/ex, just like any other addictive chemical, there will be about 3 days wait until the woman starts experiencing oxytocin withdrawal symptoms. So, in reality, the woman is having withdrawals from the oxytocin, making her think she is painfully missing her abuser/ex ,making her think she truly loves him and is bonded to him, unaware that it is the oxytocin she is missing and craving, not her abuser/ex. So once the woman is away from her abuser, about 3 days later she will start having oxytocin withdrawal symptoms, making her forget all the bad and the abuse, while only remembering what little good there was in the relationship, making her think she is painfully missing her abuser/ex.
The oxytocin withdrawals are more severe than the withdrawals of heroin addiction. The damaging fact is that women are taught all their lives that these oxytocin chemical induced feelings are feelings of love. So the oxytocin withdrawal symptoms, her feeling and her beliefs push her to go back to her abuser/ex, unaware that she is experiencing oxytocin withdrawals and not true love for her abuser/ex.
Abused men go through the same oxytocin process, but the effects of the oxytocin in women are far more significantly stronger than in men. The female harmone, estrogen, multiplies the effects of oxytocin in women by about 10 times more than in men.
Hopefully this will give you a different way of looking at abused women, even though abused women refuse to admit they are abused and they refuse to leave their abuser/ex.
Abused women are addicted to abusive relationships (abuser/ex) because of their unknown addiction to "Oxytocin", NOT LOVE!!!
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